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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
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They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
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Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/27/(Fri) 12:08
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